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EDIT:
get ready for a long dream description
and a long 'my life is awful' speech
and then a semi long nostalgic monologue
the dream is in blue, for easy reading
thank you
god
I had a bad dream
it was terrible
well
it wasnt really THAT bad
its just how I feel afterwards
it was one of those: 'the world is ending' dreams
but ti didnt start out that way
in the beginning. there was a class trip to paris
my parents wouldnt let me go
so I got mad, yelled at them,
and then they told me WHY we couldnt go to paris
and they said we were moving
and...I coudnt take it
I screamed, and cried, and yelled
I didnt want to move
so I ran away
me courtney and renee went to paris
and I brought my cat with me
on one of the tours duing the night, the 3 of us snuck away
we went on rooftops and just walked and talked together
my cat followed us up, and started to run around
I was afriad that she would fall, it was a long way down
so I tried to get her to come to me
and apprently jnxy thought we were playing
she ran from us, and fell off the roof
she landed in a tree, and fell from it
when we finally got down, she was a kitten
and she was playful and tiny
so I took her back with us to the hotel
then the trip was over
and I missed my parents
but when I came home, they were gone
I couldnt find them
so me, renee, and courtney stayed at my house to keep me company
my kitten jinx was being really weird, and the sky was turning red
so me and renee looked at the news while courtney went outside to see if she could get cell phone reception
the news said that the world was ending
that a sickness was coming, and we didnt have long
I was scared
I wanted to see my parents before I died
but I didnt know where they were
and courtney hadent come back yet
she disapeared
and jinxy was gone too
courtney had left the door open
so renee suggested we go back to indy
maybe people were staying there
we drove down there, and it was mass chaos
the building had no electricity
and people were running around screaming, breaking things
when we got there, my parents were in this classroom on the second floor
I was so happy to see them
but then I couldnt find renee
she was gone
but it was OK, becuase I had found my mom and dad
and we hid in the classroom from a while
but then we realized we had to leave
so we took the car, and decided to see if we could hide at the movies
but the movies were full of people watching this weight loss documentry, and the colbert report
it was so bazzar
and the woods had taken over half the theater
so the place was covered in leaves and grass
it was so weird
then finally, we lef the movies
and we were about to give up
when there was this big boom, and everyone around me disapeared
and I was all alone in this deserted crumbling city with a red sky
my parents were gone, my friends were gone, and I was all alone
then I woke up
man
I hot totty really took it out of me
it knocked me out for 13 hours
I just woke up
Im still sort of shaken
but this apacolypse dream wasnt as bad as that one I had this summer
this one was more silly
and I could see the aspects of my life is applied to
my want for a kitten
the fear and depression I have felt since courtney told me that shes transferring out of CP early
shes leaving in the spring
my fear ym my parents are going to die, or leave me soon
the fear that renee isnt my best friend anymore
the way I miss highschool so bad its hurts my chest sometimes
just alot of things that I keep putting on the back burner of my mind
Im just...living day to day
focusing so much on school so that I dont have to think about how shitty my life is right now
I have made no new friends at college, I have yet to loose my v-card, I am incapable of loving ANYONE worht while
(and that has nothing to do with jake, I honestly dont care about him
its jermey I care about. I feel so awful that I cant love him the way he loves me JUST becuase hes short and unattractive)
AND I am loosing all my friends
courtney is LEAVING me
and we all know she wont talk to me once shes gone
renee is ALREADY gone, and prolly having so much fun without me that shes forgetting my name
and jarrell, who is always my fallback, hasent called me since august. he doesnt even care anymore
Im afriad that Im being left behind
Im the only one without a plan or anything
everyone, even courtney and alex, are going on to bigger and better things
and Im still...here...
Im still in the exact same spot of was in 4 years ago
I am even treating guys the same way I did 4 years ago (jermey and jake are good examples.)
will I ever progress?
or am I REALLY going to die in 2012 the same way I lived for the past years?
is my life going to amount to nothing?
the only thing I have going for my is school
Im making almost striaght A's in all my classes
its all I have to hold on to
my intelligence that I never thought I had
its the only thing that I can focus on so Im not a manic depressive about how shitty my world is
ugh
Im just disapointed in my life
and I dont know what to do about it
BUT
when I dont tink about that
everything is great
I have plenty of money
my job is awesome
my car is the best thing ever, and I love driving
I am about to have the best weekend ever
Im doing great in school
and the presence of autumn is REALLY making me feel better
I honestly sit in front of my window and listen to the leaves fall all the time now
its this time of year I like to think about how great my childhood was
I dont kid myself though
I know I had a shitty childhood too
I was a loner, even as a kid
I had ne friends, no confidence, and I didnt have any of those 'oh I remember' moments that my other friends have
you know, things like 'I remember playing tag after school'
'or I remember my best friend growing up'
I didnt have that
but my childhood was still good
most of those good moments were spent alone
either outside, looking at the sky, reading books, or walking in the woods talking to myself
or inside, having fun with my parents, playing with my toys, or curling up in bed watching cartoons
but I wont lie, MOST of it was watching cartoons
maybe thats why I like cartoons so much now
they really did shape my childhood as a kid
I suppose I have such a passion for them NOW
is becuase it helps me feel really connected to them
and I hope Im helping to make the same kind of memories for some other kid, you know?
maybe the reason why I am feeling so nostalgic is becuase its fall
october really is the beginning of my favorite 5 months
becuase when I was a kid, ALL the best stuff happened in fall/winter
I have traditions that I have kept the same for years, just becuase thats how I did it when I was a kid
like, every daylight savings time in olcotber? I take off the screen in my window, so I can sit out on it
or every weekend leading up to ocotober? I tape the 13 nights of halloween on ABC family
I like to watch scariest places on earth, and kikis delivery service
OVER AND OVER AGIAN
I have seen them so much
they just make me feel better from the familerity of them
but now, I think im babbling
so Im going to wrap this up:
pretty much:
Im worried that everything seems to have changed around me
but I havent at all
I feel the same
I like the same things
I act the same
and now Im wondering if things will ever change for me
or if Ill just die this big huge failure
get ready for a long dream description
and a long 'my life is awful' speech
and then a semi long nostalgic monologue
the dream is in blue, for easy reading
thank you
god
I had a bad dream
it was terrible
well
it wasnt really THAT bad
its just how I feel afterwards
it was one of those: 'the world is ending' dreams
but ti didnt start out that way
in the beginning. there was a class trip to paris
my parents wouldnt let me go
so I got mad, yelled at them,
and then they told me WHY we couldnt go to paris
and they said we were moving
and...I coudnt take it
I screamed, and cried, and yelled
I didnt want to move
so I ran away
me courtney and renee went to paris
and I brought my cat with me
on one of the tours duing the night, the 3 of us snuck away
we went on rooftops and just walked and talked together
my cat followed us up, and started to run around
I was afriad that she would fall, it was a long way down
so I tried to get her to come to me
and apprently jnxy thought we were playing
she ran from us, and fell off the roof
she landed in a tree, and fell from it
when we finally got down, she was a kitten
and she was playful and tiny
so I took her back with us to the hotel
then the trip was over
and I missed my parents
but when I came home, they were gone
I couldnt find them
so me, renee, and courtney stayed at my house to keep me company
my kitten jinx was being really weird, and the sky was turning red
so me and renee looked at the news while courtney went outside to see if she could get cell phone reception
the news said that the world was ending
that a sickness was coming, and we didnt have long
I was scared
I wanted to see my parents before I died
but I didnt know where they were
and courtney hadent come back yet
she disapeared
and jinxy was gone too
courtney had left the door open
so renee suggested we go back to indy
maybe people were staying there
we drove down there, and it was mass chaos
the building had no electricity
and people were running around screaming, breaking things
when we got there, my parents were in this classroom on the second floor
I was so happy to see them
but then I couldnt find renee
she was gone
but it was OK, becuase I had found my mom and dad
and we hid in the classroom from a while
but then we realized we had to leave
so we took the car, and decided to see if we could hide at the movies
but the movies were full of people watching this weight loss documentry, and the colbert report
it was so bazzar
and the woods had taken over half the theater
so the place was covered in leaves and grass
it was so weird
then finally, we lef the movies
and we were about to give up
when there was this big boom, and everyone around me disapeared
and I was all alone in this deserted crumbling city with a red sky
my parents were gone, my friends were gone, and I was all alone
then I woke up
man
I hot totty really took it out of me
it knocked me out for 13 hours
I just woke up
Im still sort of shaken
but this apacolypse dream wasnt as bad as that one I had this summer
this one was more silly
and I could see the aspects of my life is applied to
my want for a kitten
the fear and depression I have felt since courtney told me that shes transferring out of CP early
shes leaving in the spring
my fear ym my parents are going to die, or leave me soon
the fear that renee isnt my best friend anymore
the way I miss highschool so bad its hurts my chest sometimes
just alot of things that I keep putting on the back burner of my mind
Im just...living day to day
focusing so much on school so that I dont have to think about how shitty my life is right now
I have made no new friends at college, I have yet to loose my v-card, I am incapable of loving ANYONE worht while
(and that has nothing to do with jake, I honestly dont care about him
its jermey I care about. I feel so awful that I cant love him the way he loves me JUST becuase hes short and unattractive)
AND I am loosing all my friends
courtney is LEAVING me
and we all know she wont talk to me once shes gone
renee is ALREADY gone, and prolly having so much fun without me that shes forgetting my name
and jarrell, who is always my fallback, hasent called me since august. he doesnt even care anymore
Im afriad that Im being left behind
Im the only one without a plan or anything
everyone, even courtney and alex, are going on to bigger and better things
and Im still...here...
Im still in the exact same spot of was in 4 years ago
I am even treating guys the same way I did 4 years ago (jermey and jake are good examples.)
will I ever progress?
or am I REALLY going to die in 2012 the same way I lived for the past years?
is my life going to amount to nothing?
the only thing I have going for my is school
Im making almost striaght A's in all my classes
its all I have to hold on to
my intelligence that I never thought I had
its the only thing that I can focus on so Im not a manic depressive about how shitty my world is
ugh
Im just disapointed in my life
and I dont know what to do about it
BUT
when I dont tink about that
everything is great
I have plenty of money
my job is awesome
my car is the best thing ever, and I love driving
I am about to have the best weekend ever
Im doing great in school
and the presence of autumn is REALLY making me feel better
I honestly sit in front of my window and listen to the leaves fall all the time now
its this time of year I like to think about how great my childhood was
I dont kid myself though
I know I had a shitty childhood too
I was a loner, even as a kid
I had ne friends, no confidence, and I didnt have any of those 'oh I remember' moments that my other friends have
you know, things like 'I remember playing tag after school'
'or I remember my best friend growing up'
I didnt have that
but my childhood was still good
most of those good moments were spent alone
either outside, looking at the sky, reading books, or walking in the woods talking to myself
or inside, having fun with my parents, playing with my toys, or curling up in bed watching cartoons
but I wont lie, MOST of it was watching cartoons
maybe thats why I like cartoons so much now
they really did shape my childhood as a kid
I suppose I have such a passion for them NOW
is becuase it helps me feel really connected to them
and I hope Im helping to make the same kind of memories for some other kid, you know?
maybe the reason why I am feeling so nostalgic is becuase its fall
october really is the beginning of my favorite 5 months
becuase when I was a kid, ALL the best stuff happened in fall/winter
I have traditions that I have kept the same for years, just becuase thats how I did it when I was a kid
like, every daylight savings time in olcotber? I take off the screen in my window, so I can sit out on it
or every weekend leading up to ocotober? I tape the 13 nights of halloween on ABC family
I like to watch scariest places on earth, and kikis delivery service
OVER AND OVER AGIAN
I have seen them so much
they just make me feel better from the familerity of them
but now, I think im babbling
so Im going to wrap this up:
pretty much:
Im worried that everything seems to have changed around me
but I havent at all
I feel the same
I like the same things
I act the same
and now Im wondering if things will ever change for me
or if Ill just die this big huge failure
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