So lately things around the house have been tense
my dad has been moody and its making everyone nervous
for those of you who dont know, he has a BEASTLY temper
and nowadays he snaps over the littlest things
Either its the bistro
or money
or whatever
but its making the whole house on edge
And since no one else was doing anything about it
i decided to take matters into my own hands
and write him a letter,
spilling the beans and setting him straight once and for all
Hey dad!
This is your daughter e-mailing you if you haven guessed. I wanted to take the time out to write you something that I think needs to be said. It’s been on my mind a lot lately, and I think its time I spoke up
So sit down, grab a muffin, and relax, this is going to be a LONG e-mail
So me, mom, and Nikki have been talking about your temper. We think it’s out of control, but all of us are too afraid to say any thing (yes, its true). I’m not saying this to be mean, or a bad daughter or anything of the sort (because NONE of us would EVER do anything to hurt each other. Were a family, and families don’t do that), I say it because I LOVE YOU. We all do. Me, mom, and Nikki all love you more than the world because your our family, and when one of our family is in pain, we ALL are in pain. And lately, your depression/anger has been overwhelming, and we all feel it. We all see you mope around and complain endlessly, and it makes us all feel worse, because we HATE seeing you in such a state. It’s a terrible thing, watching you be unhappy, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
So, instead of watching things get worse, I decided to take the time out to e-mail you, to maybe get and give a better understanding of what’s going on. I know these words may sound weird coming from your 17-year-old daughter, but I am not a child anymore daddy. I am not an adult either, but I am not blind, and I see the family relationships in this house grow tense, and awkward. So now I want to help. But listen to what I have to say, and TAKE THIS E-MAIL SERIOUSLY. Because I took it seriously. I am trying to speak to you as a friend, and an adult. I want to help you.
When I was a kid, I remember you were always laughing, and being goofy, and making everyone around you glad that you were in the same room. And even when things got hard, you would tell me not to worry because my daddy was around. Now, I think it’s my turn to tell you the same thing. Daddy, even when things don’t go the way you planned or everything seems to be going wrong, or just when something blew up in your face, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. You can’t let life’s little problems get you down, and make everything awful. If you let EVERYTHING bring you down, NOTHING will ever go your way, and you’ll always be unhappy. Happiness doesn’t just show up on your doorstep one day and decide to move in, you MAKE it. When you stumble and break a glass, don’t curse the world to oblivion and scare the people around you. Laugh, make a joke, clean it up, and move on. When something doesn’t get approved for the restaurant, don’t blow your top and smash your computer screen, scaring me, AND mom to a point where we don’t even recognize you! That’s NOT going to make you feel better. In fact, it’ll just push the people who could help you, who love you, away. Just take a deep breath, count to ten if you have to, and resolve that you just have to try harder next time. It not that big of a deal. You don’t have to lose your temper over that, its unnecessary, and to tell the truth, it scares me, and makes me wonder if you are the same daddy that I used to love, and the same daddy that was always happy as long as he was with his family. I want that dad back.
Your anger, honestly, has always scared me. I’m afraid of messing ANYTHING up, because I know that you’ll get angry (and its not even normal anger daddy. You get into RAGES. You come to a point where you aren’t even yourself anymore. You’re not the kind, gentle, giving person that I see in you. You turn into this...monster, that I am afraid to be living in the same house with, when you get angry. Sometimes I question if you ever recognize me or mom when you’re like that), and yell at me, and make me cry. It happens a lot (eve if you don’t see it). It seems that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING makes you mad these days, and I don’t understand why. Daddy you have EVERYTHING right in front of you, what’s there to be mad about? You have a daughter who loves you more than the world and a wife who loves you more than the WHOLE FRIGGIN UNIVERSE (and don’t tell me she doesn’t, because she does. As I stated before, I am NOT blind. She loves you SO much. You guy’s marriage gives me hope that love actually exists, and that two people really CAN stay together if they fight hard enough for how they feel about each other.). You’re alive, with a roof over your head, food in your fridge, and you’re surrounded by people who love and care for you. Is that not enough? If you’re not happy with ALL THIS, what will it take dad? What? What do you want out of life? What do you want from us?
Even if our house burns down, we lose all our money, or anything of the sort, WE HAVE EACHOTHER. I don’t care what I have, and the things I own (sure its nice to have a computer, and a room to myself, (and I appreciate and recognize all the things you guys have sacrificed for me, and for this family, to make life comfortable. Hell, if you hadn’t bought me this AWESOME computer for Christmas, I wouldn’t even be sending you this e-mail) and all the things that you guys provide me (and I am NOT complaining), but I am SO much more grateful just for having a family like you guys.) because I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER. Something no amount of money can ever purchase. I have a family that loves me. You and mom’s love for me, and our love for EACHOTHER as a FAMILY, can outlast ANYTHING. Even in the poorest, richest, sickest, saddest, most awful situations, that fact that we are a family and will always be there for each other will not change.
Also, the whole ‘money is more important than anything’ mentality that you have, IS RIDICULOUS. I understand the importance of money, I understand the need for money, what I don’t understand is the point of shunning all the happiness in life for a single dollar. Daddy, when you grow old and are facing the last days of you life, it won’t matter what your yearly salary was, it wont matter what you bough or sold, and it wont matter to ANYONE, how much money you ever had. No, nothing that has to do with money will be on ANYONES minds. What will matter until the end of your life and way after, is how much of the limited time on earth you had to live, how much did you with the people you love? Unlike money, family brings more happiness that anything you could have ever bought. Unlike money, love from your family is free, and one of the most fulfilling and precious things in life. Unlike money, family isn’t always going to be around. One day daddy, your going to die, and all your family (including me, mom, and nikki) is going to be left with is the memories of a man who spent his whole life searching for happiness in the face of dollar bills, instead of looking for it in the faces of his family. We love you, more than ANY amount money can buy, and it confuses me why a simple dollar is SO important to you. Happiness is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, and it doesn’t cost a thing. Don’t let money control you life.
And don’t tell me that it controls everyone’s life, because that is BULL. YOU control your life. Money, is just a part of it, and if you let it take over, it WILL. YOU make your own happiness, it cant be bid for on e-bay with a credit card, it cant be sold at auction, and (to put it bluntly) it is worth more than all the money in the world, and THAT’S why its so precious. Its one of the most sought after things in the world, and you have it. You have a family. You have love. You have more than money will ever amount to. The richest man in the world would envy you, because you are blessed with so much that money cannot buy.
If I died, could you buy me back? No. That’s how worthless money is. You can’t put a price on love, or family. You don’t need massive amounts of cash to be happy, so STOP acting like your very happiness depends on how much you make, or save. It doesn’t, and its not a good excuse. It just makes me, mom, and Nikki feel worthless. Like, we aren’t good enough compared to the face of a dollar
Now dad, I understand this may be a lot to take in. I understand this may also sound dramatic (and I am SO sorry for that). I understand that this may be (as I intended) a wake up call. Over the years I have realized that I don’t have much time on this earth. My days are numbered (everyone’s are), so I should spend the little life I have left being cheerful, and spreading as much of that joy as I possibly can. You should too. Life is too short to be angry, and money grubbing.
Let things slide.
Play a sport to blow off steam (or find a hobby. Painting is a good idea, because no matter how bad you are at art, your NEVER bad at painting.).
Walk in the woods by your self more often.
Appreciate nature, and all the wonderful things mother earth and father sky have provided us.
Go out and buy yourself your favorite sweet, just to be nice to yourself (and SCREW the price. If it brings you just a moment worth living, then its worth it).
DON’T WORRY SO MUCH (No matter what, if you don’t let things get you down, you’ll never have a bad moment. You may have little times in your life where things seem hopeless, but NOTHING stays hopeless for long if you have a smile.).
Keep a blog, or journal to write things about your life down (it may sound girly, BUT MY GOD IT DOES WONDERS. I remember when I used to be angry ALL the time (back in middle school), and then I decided to keep a journal. Ever since then, I never get mad about anything, because I have had a moment to myself, to write it down, reflect, cool off, and forget it forever).
Don’t get angry at EVERYTHING (In fact, don’t get angry at all. Its not hard. I do it all the time. I don’t let anything spoil my happiness because I know that one day, I’ll leave this world behind, and I want to leave it a better place than I found it. Anger NEVER makes anything better. There is NO real situation that anger can improve. And if there is, happiness, would probably work a lot better.)
Have a few days in the month where you spend it doing something YOU want to do
LAUGH MORE
If you have something to say to someone, don’t wait. You may not have time later
And don’t let life’s little problems mess everything up. If life were meant to be easy, would it REALLY be as much fun? That’s were the adventure lies.
These days we have together, are precious, and should be cherished. They shouldn’t be spend yelling, breaking things, shunning each other, getting angry, complaining, scaring each other, threatening each other, hurting each other, or anything of the sort. No one is perfect, and sometimes, we will get a little angry. Sometimes, we will get a little discouraged. And sometimes, difficulty will be looking us right in the face, but we have to stick together and appreciate these days we have in each others company, because they are numbered. Life isn’t a parking meter. You can just keep putting quarters in for more time. All we have is now, and all we have is each other when it comes down to it. You shouldn’t spend your days being angry at the world daddy. It’ll do you no good.
Basically, the point of this e-mail is to tell you that me, mom, and Nikki ARE YOUR FAMILY, AND THAT WE LOVE YOU. But also that we a re worried about you. When you finish reading this e-mail, don’t do anything stupid. Don’t get angry. Don’t get sad. Don’t break anything. Don’t drink (alcohol). Don’t get any morbid ideas. Don’t wish bad things on yourself/others. Just breathe, and think. That’s point of this. To make you think about how it seems like your wasting you life away just being angry, and counting pennies. I miss the dad you used to be. The dad that was happy with just taking me outside to throw a ball (and nowadays, I wish that I had done that with you more. I don’t want to drive all the way to some stupid park or field. All I want is a few minutes just to take an inflatable beach ball and throw it across the yard.). The dad would make stupid jokes that were only funny because he told them. The dad that honestly, I thought didn’t care about the world, as long as he had his family. I know that he’s still there, but sometimes I wonder if he’s ever going to come back. I’m just worried that you’ll wake up one day and realize that us wasted to so much time being angry with the world, time that you could have spent playing in the back yard with me, or time you could have spent with mom.
So I’m going to close the e-mail here. Like I said before, I am NOT writing this to be mean, I would never want to hurt you dad. EVER. All I want is to see you happy with the things you have.
I love you
-Ashley
I feel it was a little harsh, and longer than I intended
hell, it was more emotional than I inteded
I try to keep my feelings under wraps
but then agian, no one lives forever
so i felt he had a right to know now
he apperently read it
while I was at a cookout for an hour
and during dinner all he commented on was me 'superb writing skills'
which surprised me
but flattered me
i noticed that he made an effort to talk more during dinner
(also, that mom pretended (badly) to not know that I had written him a letter like this when it was HER idea in the first place. Also, that she READ the thing before I sent it. wow mom)
but I think now, hes going to try and change
I know it wont come right away
but some progress will be nice
I guess that means I'll have to be more willing to do things with him now
-sigh-
I could use the fresh air though
so I shouldnt complain
we are a family after all
and I should practice what I preach
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