So today was FATHERS DAY
and I decided to treat my daddy to go see Indiana Jones

AND IT WAS AWESOME
OMG HAROLD FORD STILL HAS IT
AND SHIA IS OMGSOWONDEFUL

-ahem-

I swear, when shaia came into the movie, I squealed
My dad gave me the biggest 'WTF' looks ever
But it really was a good movie
lots of action, but not alot of gore
and you dont really see that these days
so it was really nice
no to mention, it has a wonderful storyline
lots os twists, turns, and whatnot
also, it was really nice to spend time with my dad


[WARNING: long, angry, rant comming up]
Lately, things have been really hard for him
mom has this dream of opening a bistro, and thats great
hes a good husband, and he stands by her
but shes SO demanding
shes mean, and controlling, and uncompromisable
it has to be what shes wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it
And I dont think she understands how much he gives her
he works EVERYDAY in the bistro to help her make opening night
all she does is complian
he puts HIS dreams on the line
so that she can selfishely achieve hers, and GIVE HIM NO THANKS afterward!
he sacrifices HIS time and HIS money
to help get her what she wants
even though when he does come through and does his best
ITS NEVER IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
she always has to be right
it always has to ber her way
she always has to proove herself
I mean, maybe if she was nice about it
it wouldnt be bad at all
but NO
when he TRIES SO HARD
to DO HIS BEST
to better her OWN SELFISH DREAM
all she can manage to do is bitch and complian, and make his life a living hell

You know, sometimes I really HATE my mom
I love her, but I just HATE what she does
the older I get, the more my perseption of my parents change
She is a terrible person
She always has to make people feel like crap
she always wants to be rewarded for things, when she NEVER returns the favor
She always has to overly-proove her power
she ALWAYS has to wear the pants (even though she gets insulted when people suggest it)
She always has to intiminate people
she always has to be the winner
and she can never learn to turn the other cheek
she always wants POWER
just becuase you have a dream, dosent give you the right to step on people who love you to get there
my poor father is a man SHE BROUGH HERE from a another country
FROM HIS HOME
he is alien here
he is only here for her and the life he made here
but with the way she treats him, it makes me wonder if she really loves him like I know he loves her
my father loves my mother
if he didnt, he wouldnt have given up his home for her
but now, I am wondering if love...is...
well...enough

she is always yelling at him, cornering him, and prooving him wrong
degrading him into nothing
he hardly ever leaves the house
(unless, (of course), its with her)
he does everything for her
and he takes her shit EVERY DAY
I have watched him grow old prematurly becuase of her
I have watched him bottle things up until its unbarable becuase of her
I have watched him tear himself down, BECUASE OF MY BITCHY MOTHER

Its not like I havent TRIED to talk to them both about it
but shell just talk over him and say 
'everything is fine, mind your own business'
or EVEN FUCKING WORSE she says
'your too young to understand.'
I HAVE EYES
I HAVE A BRIAN
I HAVE SENCE
and the BEST
I KNOW HUMANS 
I analyze them
I study them
I understand them
I know what I see
I dont know everything, yes
but I know that there is a problem
and you know what?
I AM SICK OF HER PUSHING MY FATHER AROUND
I am fed up with her bullshit
and I have made a promise to myself
I WILL PROTECT HIM FROM HER
after that night a few months ago when he came home in tears
(becuase he did something wrong after she put so much pressure on him to do it right 
and then BLAMED HIM when it was an accident)
and I couldnt console him
I knew that I would NEVER let that happen agian
I would never let him be so hurt, and let him think that hes alone
and I will NEVER see him cry over her like that agian 
(it was litterally the worst moment of my life. I remember, he came home cursing and breaking things. I asked him what was wrong and he just started talking about how he messed up and it was his fault and that she told him to do it right and junk. and then his voice broke and I saw a tear. I just froze. I TRIED To console him, but I couldnt deal with it, I was in utter shock. All I could manage to do was tell him that everything would be OK and that he should just eat something, watch some TV and relax. Then I ran upstiars and called my mom, crying and yelling at her to fix what she did. I will NEVER foget that night. It was litterally, one of the worst nights of my life, just becuase I felt so HELPLESS)

Now, I dont want it to seem like me and him are super close
we arent
I mean, I LOVE my father
more than I think he knows
but we are diffrent
VERY differrent
things, sometimes, are akward between us
when we are alone together, there are usually long puases
we just have nothing to talk about

he has this habit of  CONSTANTLY trying to teach me things 
but, becuase I love him
I LISTEN
(which is more than I can say for my mother who just talks over him when he is just trying to help in the only way he knows how)
and when he dosent understand something
(which happens often, since he isnt, and never will be, used to american ways)
I explian it until he does
we dont have too much in common either
hes very shy in social situations, and he has no social skills or carisma
I am not shy (at least around white people) and I have ALOT of social skills 
(or acting/drama skills, i dont know which
I dont like sports
he does
he isnt much of a talker
but I AM
we are VERY different, and it just makes this weird between us
so in the past years I have made a habit of avoiding quality time with us
but recently, I feel like he thinks that I am ignoring him
and with mom in the BITCHY mode she is ALWAYS in
I feel like now, more than ever, he needs me
and I cant let him fall into despair that hes alone
So lately, I have been forcing myself to do things with him
go shopping
go to the movies
do some yardwork
anything to let him know that I love him
and even though i usually dread doing these things
they usually come out OK
[RANT MODE IS NOW OFF]

So I know hes been having a rough year, so I decided to do something nice for fathers day
I made him a nice (5-minute) card 
and mom made his favorite breakfast
(becuase she dosent allow me to make food in the kitchen)
and that was our morning
later, we went to concord mills and watched INDANA JONES
which
was
awesome

he used to watch it as a kid, so I think he really enjoyed it
though, he made a point to tell me that the other movies were better
the best part: movies dont require talking
so its the PERFECT activity for us
and afterward he got curious and walked with me around concord mills
he has never been in it before, so he was exploring everything
and I will admit
IT WAS WEIRD
he is so akward
he kept stopping to look at silly things like random kiosks the cars parked in the middle of the walkway for show
he dragged me into to the lowes moter speedway area just to look at goo-carts
and we went into a perfume store just to look for a colonge that he fore the name of 20 years ago
(we found it tho. Its Eau Savage by cristian dior)
and it may sound like silly things, but he was SUCH a spazz about it
he has no social skills
but I didnt care
yeah, it was a little embarassing being in the mall with him
and I saw like, 3 people I knew and i completly ignored them
But it's FATHERS day
not jessie-is-embarassed-of-her-alien-dad day
so I sucked it up, laughed at all his jokes, and showed him the mall
after a while, it got really fun
we went into black lion and luaghed at the overly priced junk and compared art tastes
I took him into earth-bound and we messed with the hermit crabs in the tank
and on the ride home, we just talked about indiana jones and made plans to go see 'Walle', and 'Get Smart'
then tonight at dinner, i told him happy father day and he said thank you
like, a genuine, in my face, THANK YOU
and I kew that everything, for the moment, was going to be OK

wow, this was a longer journal than I expected
 Once I started talking, I couldnt stop
 This has really been eating me up lately, so I am glad I wrote it down 

right now the two of them are downstairs, cheering on some basketball game
they sound fine
so hopefully, for now, there will be calm waters
but man, I miss the days when i was SO sure that nothing would ever come between my parents
now, I am fighting just to keep things civil

but i still cant help but say to myself
'You did good jessie, you did good'
I really did
:)


EDIT:
MOTHERFUCK
its 11;30
AND I HAVE MY FIRST DAY OF GEOMETRY SUMMER CLASSES TOMORROW
;_______;