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DAMN ITS COLD
its been in the 30's for the past 3 days
its been in the 30's for the past 3 days
When it comes to clothes, would you rather be comfortable or fashionable?
|
comfortable please
I have never been in a crowd that cared about clothing
I dont think I ever want to be
then again, my idea of comfortable is a fluffy skirt and a t-shirt with a worn old jacket
and some boots
cute, fluffy, out of style boots
and everything has to be either black,olive green, dark muted blue, cream, brown, or white
I like natural colors
mood music:
so....no journal and two days...
thats...bad
let start from the beginning:
thursday I stayed home
but mom wanted me to come to the bistro to keep her company
so I went, and made a nice cozy spot by the window for myself
I drew for hours
I actually got around to doing 7 pages of work that I planned to ink
it was pretty amazing
the customers were few a far around
but I made about 25$ off of the two that came in
so the afternoon was definetly not a waste
friday was FREEZING
it was 15 degrees in the morning, with a high of 30 all day
I went to AP euro, took the test (I almost didnt finish my DBQ, but I managed)
after the test, I inked the 7 drawings I did at the bistro the day before
me and scott,,,actually talked after the test
not much, becuase his friend were around
but when they left, he went right for me
playfully stealing my bag and hiding it in his shirt
"I didnt take anything jessie, Im just pregnant'
the joke struck a cord with me a bit
I used to know a pregnant girl
i belive she was my sister
anyway, we talked a bit
about...smoking commercials
and he walked with me to my bus
it was weird, being with him
we barely know eachother, but we kinda gravitated towards one another
but not in a cheezy way
but in a 'wow, he might be worth a little more than a stupid boy'
the walk home was amazing
it was cold and quiet
the only sound wa my footsteps and the trees, shivering in the cold wind
when I got home, I found a moth
traped in the are between the ice cold screen and the ice cold door
I took it inside, as gently as I could while it fluttered despratly
i didnt do I great job at being gentle
its wings ripped a bit
I felt like a great monster, trying to do a good deed, and destoying more in the process
but it was OK, and once it had warmed up, its fluttered around, found a place on my kitchen table and settled there
after a while, I let it out back
I know its still cold, but it would starve in my house
no food (not even for humans)
no bugs (it WAY to cold)
nothing
just a gentle giant
I dunno why I remembered that
but I did
so friday, I went to work
I made 50$
it was pretty
but by the time I got him (1:40)
I was in SUCH pain
my whole body ached from walking, bending, smiling, lifting
it all started from my feet
which throbbed with pain and heat
like there were two identical hearts in them, bearing so painfully, that it drowned out the one in my chest
the pain rising with every beat
when I got home, I didnt even shower or write a journal
I blindly stumbled to bed, not even undressing
and laid still until the trobbing of my feet ebbed
they felt so comfortable under my 3 soft blankets
I fell asleep somewhere between thinking about robbie and the numbness that my feet had taken
somewhere in the night I managed to take off my jeans and t-shirt during sleep
(and do NOT insert a perverted comment there.
I dreamed about sheep and soup ALL night
no lie)
when I woke up sater, it was one
and the sun was warming up my bed through my window
I thought that meant it was warm outside
BUT I WAS WRONG
today, it WAS actually 20 degrees
at 1 in the afternoon
I could see my breath in the sunshine
but I kept my window open anyway
and I had MaC from the night before for breakfast
I colored the kimiko art jam picture (I hate it, so i wont post a link) and submitted it
talked to renee, opted out of a fridays outting to work
and I went to work
before the busy stretch, nikki came with the baby
she didnt want to, becuase it was cold
but jason wanted to hang out and have a drink
so, or course, the women gathered around the kid
even my mom for a bit
but she had kitchen work to do
but, she knows how I feel about the whole situation
so before she went through the kitchen doors, she gave me one of those:
'I love you sweetheart, stop being a brat and go hold your niece' pats on the cheek
I went over, and kiara was like, FAWNING over the thing
she loves kids
I didnt see why
not becuase I am jealous
but becuase she is just so ugly to me
in a...infant kind fo way
it freaks me out that her lips are purple
and her skin is thin so that i see her viens
her eyes are also scary to me
they are too big, and she has no eyelid folds
I hate the way she moves, slow and unsure
but worst of all? I hate how she has no wrinkles
not even on her hands
shes all...smooth and discolored
WHY do people find babys cute?
the only thing I liked about jeslyn tonight is how she made nikki feel
nikki walked in, and ran RIGHT towards me, squealing
she was so happy to see me
when she went to get the baby, I expected her sisterly love demeanure to change
but...it didnt
it amazed me to see that the same nikki was still there
she hadent been replaced by some old motherly woman
she was still my fun-loving sister
she was sitting in the padded chair in fron of the kitchen
hold jeslyn in her arms from the draft in the room
and, she was still nikki
only with one little change:
whenever she looked at jeslyn, her face lit up
and for a moment, I felt alone again, because her face used to light up like that when she looked at me
but then, she looked back at me, and her face was still lit up
but it wasnt the face she gave jeslyn
it was the face I remember
nikkis face
my sisters face
I think i had to see it to understand
a sisters love is eternal
it dosent change
we grow up, we have kids
but our hearts dont split, rationing off love at uneven levels
our hearts grow and adapt
nikki still loves me as her sister
she dosent love me any less
and now, her love has expanded to fit jeslyn too
and, if nik-nack can do it
why cant I?
I almost cried when I realized that
I feel so stupid fro feeling threatened by jeslyn
she didnt do anything wrong
shes making my sister happy
and if she makes nikki happy, then so am I
but of course, while I was about to cry over my dinner of pizza and garlic sauce
nikki decided to ask me to hold the baby
I am the only one in the whole family who hasent
but I still refused
even though I am not made at jeslyn anymore, dosent make her any less discusting in my eyes
its not that I dont like her, its that I just dont like infants
I dont like how they are small and fragile
how the are weak, and their skin looks like it will tear at my very touch
its going to take me a while to muster up the courage to hold her, I know
I wont do it until I am ready, which might take a few months
so nikki left, saying goodbye to me in of of those 'my boobs hurt really bad, so im going to hug your side now' kinda hugs
she said that her nipples felt like they were going to fall off
oh yeah
thats my nik-nack patty wack
:)
it was pretty quiet this evening
I had to hustle to get the amount of customers i wanted
kiara, I noticed, is good at spotting and taking customers
shes a smoker, from the slums of pittsburg, and I think she knows how to hustle
but she dosent really know how to be a polie server
(but then agian, she dosent talk as much, and isnt as akward)
so she always trys to get more customers than me
tonight, it was a constant race to the customer
and I made about 20$
as did she, if i am not mistaken
so it was an even race
but I have to try harder
I dont want to be outwitted by...well...
someone less charming than myself
Im not better than her persay
thats not my place to say
but shes one of your typical ignorant radio-listening teenagers
and there no way i want to lose another fight to that kind of person
but the relaxed enviorment gave me tim eot read the book marisa gave me
its AMAZING
its rekindling the firey passion for books i had forgotten I had
that fire was definetly doused with cold water by twilight, which made me hate reading really
now, its slowing comming to a towering stack, unfaltered by the wind
this book is FANTASTIC
and set in a time period I am REALLY interrested in
britian, 1800's
the time of finishing schools and scandals
love it
but its also about fantasy, and adventure
which is what I LOVE
'a great and terrile beauty' is SO boss
marisa is awesome for letting my borrow it
so I made alot of money this weekend
I got in touch with my sesitive side with a moth and an infant
and I slept for 12 hours at one point
I work agian tomrrow, and I am off for two days
maybe one
I might go in for inauguration day
it sounds like a waste though
like a ghost day
but I should because I need to talk to mrs neale about my test make-up
night all
I have never been in a crowd that cared about clothing
I dont think I ever want to be
then again, my idea of comfortable is a fluffy skirt and a t-shirt with a worn old jacket
and some boots
cute, fluffy, out of style boots
and everything has to be either black,olive green, dark muted blue, cream, brown, or white
I like natural colors
mood music:
so....no journal and two days...
thats...bad
let start from the beginning:
thursday I stayed home
but mom wanted me to come to the bistro to keep her company
so I went, and made a nice cozy spot by the window for myself
I drew for hours
I actually got around to doing 7 pages of work that I planned to ink
it was pretty amazing
the customers were few a far around
but I made about 25$ off of the two that came in
so the afternoon was definetly not a waste
friday was FREEZING
it was 15 degrees in the morning, with a high of 30 all day
I went to AP euro, took the test (I almost didnt finish my DBQ, but I managed)
after the test, I inked the 7 drawings I did at the bistro the day before
me and scott,,,actually talked after the test
not much, becuase his friend were around
but when they left, he went right for me
playfully stealing my bag and hiding it in his shirt
"I didnt take anything jessie, Im just pregnant'
the joke struck a cord with me a bit
I used to know a pregnant girl
i belive she was my sister
anyway, we talked a bit
about...smoking commercials
and he walked with me to my bus
it was weird, being with him
we barely know eachother, but we kinda gravitated towards one another
but not in a cheezy way
but in a 'wow, he might be worth a little more than a stupid boy'
the walk home was amazing
it was cold and quiet
the only sound wa my footsteps and the trees, shivering in the cold wind
when I got home, I found a moth
traped in the are between the ice cold screen and the ice cold door
I took it inside, as gently as I could while it fluttered despratly
i didnt do I great job at being gentle
its wings ripped a bit
I felt like a great monster, trying to do a good deed, and destoying more in the process
but it was OK, and once it had warmed up, its fluttered around, found a place on my kitchen table and settled there
after a while, I let it out back
I know its still cold, but it would starve in my house
no food (not even for humans)
no bugs (it WAY to cold)
nothing
just a gentle giant
I dunno why I remembered that
but I did
so friday, I went to work
I made 50$
it was pretty
but by the time I got him (1:40)
I was in SUCH pain
my whole body ached from walking, bending, smiling, lifting
it all started from my feet
which throbbed with pain and heat
like there were two identical hearts in them, bearing so painfully, that it drowned out the one in my chest
the pain rising with every beat
when I got home, I didnt even shower or write a journal
I blindly stumbled to bed, not even undressing
and laid still until the trobbing of my feet ebbed
they felt so comfortable under my 3 soft blankets
I fell asleep somewhere between thinking about robbie and the numbness that my feet had taken
somewhere in the night I managed to take off my jeans and t-shirt during sleep
(and do NOT insert a perverted comment there.
I dreamed about sheep and soup ALL night
no lie)
when I woke up sater, it was one
and the sun was warming up my bed through my window
I thought that meant it was warm outside
BUT I WAS WRONG
today, it WAS actually 20 degrees
at 1 in the afternoon
I could see my breath in the sunshine
but I kept my window open anyway
and I had MaC from the night before for breakfast
I colored the kimiko art jam picture (I hate it, so i wont post a link) and submitted it
talked to renee, opted out of a fridays outting to work
and I went to work
before the busy stretch, nikki came with the baby
she didnt want to, becuase it was cold
but jason wanted to hang out and have a drink
so, or course, the women gathered around the kid
even my mom for a bit
but she had kitchen work to do
but, she knows how I feel about the whole situation
so before she went through the kitchen doors, she gave me one of those:
'I love you sweetheart, stop being a brat and go hold your niece' pats on the cheek
I went over, and kiara was like, FAWNING over the thing
she loves kids
I didnt see why
not becuase I am jealous
but becuase she is just so ugly to me
in a...infant kind fo way
it freaks me out that her lips are purple
and her skin is thin so that i see her viens
her eyes are also scary to me
they are too big, and she has no eyelid folds
I hate the way she moves, slow and unsure
but worst of all? I hate how she has no wrinkles
not even on her hands
shes all...smooth and discolored
WHY do people find babys cute?
the only thing I liked about jeslyn tonight is how she made nikki feel
nikki walked in, and ran RIGHT towards me, squealing
she was so happy to see me
when she went to get the baby, I expected her sisterly love demeanure to change
but...it didnt
it amazed me to see that the same nikki was still there
she hadent been replaced by some old motherly woman
she was still my fun-loving sister
she was sitting in the padded chair in fron of the kitchen
hold jeslyn in her arms from the draft in the room
and, she was still nikki
only with one little change:
whenever she looked at jeslyn, her face lit up
and for a moment, I felt alone again, because her face used to light up like that when she looked at me
but then, she looked back at me, and her face was still lit up
but it wasnt the face she gave jeslyn
it was the face I remember
nikkis face
my sisters face
I think i had to see it to understand
a sisters love is eternal
it dosent change
we grow up, we have kids
but our hearts dont split, rationing off love at uneven levels
our hearts grow and adapt
nikki still loves me as her sister
she dosent love me any less
and now, her love has expanded to fit jeslyn too
and, if nik-nack can do it
why cant I?
I almost cried when I realized that
I feel so stupid fro feeling threatened by jeslyn
she didnt do anything wrong
shes making my sister happy
and if she makes nikki happy, then so am I
but of course, while I was about to cry over my dinner of pizza and garlic sauce
nikki decided to ask me to hold the baby
I am the only one in the whole family who hasent
but I still refused
even though I am not made at jeslyn anymore, dosent make her any less discusting in my eyes
its not that I dont like her, its that I just dont like infants
I dont like how they are small and fragile
how the are weak, and their skin looks like it will tear at my very touch
its going to take me a while to muster up the courage to hold her, I know
I wont do it until I am ready, which might take a few months
so nikki left, saying goodbye to me in of of those 'my boobs hurt really bad, so im going to hug your side now' kinda hugs
she said that her nipples felt like they were going to fall off
oh yeah
thats my nik-nack patty wack
:)
it was pretty quiet this evening
I had to hustle to get the amount of customers i wanted
kiara, I noticed, is good at spotting and taking customers
shes a smoker, from the slums of pittsburg, and I think she knows how to hustle
but she dosent really know how to be a polie server
(but then agian, she dosent talk as much, and isnt as akward)
so she always trys to get more customers than me
tonight, it was a constant race to the customer
and I made about 20$
as did she, if i am not mistaken
so it was an even race
but I have to try harder
I dont want to be outwitted by...well...
someone less charming than myself
Im not better than her persay
thats not my place to say
but shes one of your typical ignorant radio-listening teenagers
and there no way i want to lose another fight to that kind of person
but the relaxed enviorment gave me tim eot read the book marisa gave me
its AMAZING
its rekindling the firey passion for books i had forgotten I had
that fire was definetly doused with cold water by twilight, which made me hate reading really
now, its slowing comming to a towering stack, unfaltered by the wind
this book is FANTASTIC
and set in a time period I am REALLY interrested in
britian, 1800's
the time of finishing schools and scandals
love it
but its also about fantasy, and adventure
which is what I LOVE
'a great and terrile beauty' is SO boss
marisa is awesome for letting my borrow it
so I made alot of money this weekend
I got in touch with my sesitive side with a moth and an infant
and I slept for 12 hours at one point
I work agian tomrrow, and I am off for two days
maybe one
I might go in for inauguration day
it sounds like a waste though
like a ghost day
but I should because I need to talk to mrs neale about my test make-up
night all
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